I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she pinky promised me she was 18
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
