i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize