6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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