I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
