booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
