i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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