I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize