"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
