As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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