does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
