You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
