If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
