Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
