perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
