he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Less talking, more tequila
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
