I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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