You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize