And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
