What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
