somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
