we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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