It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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