my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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