Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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