He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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