I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
