Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
