I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
