I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
