You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
