i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we made out on top of his cat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
