I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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