he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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