Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
