remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
