Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You don't make any sense
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