I want to have your abortion
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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