you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
