he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm always down for nudity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize