...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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