So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
