you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
