Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
