dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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