I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
