'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
