My nipple is on Facebook.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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