it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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