Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
