stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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