Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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