dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
