Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
