I love black thongs
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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