I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize