did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize