tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
