Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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