I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
