come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
