so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
