Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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