he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
