He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
