theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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