As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
